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Questions to ask at your pregnancy check-up

Take five questions in, written down. Three belong at every single appointment: what did you find today, what happens next and when, and what should make me call you before then. The last one matters most, because it puts the line in your doctor's words instead of the internet's.

The three that go to every appointment

1. What did you find today? Ask for it in their words, and write those words down rather than your summary of them.
2. What happens next, and when? The next appointment, the next test, the next thing you have to book yourself.
3. What should make me call you before then? This is the question that saves you the 2am search. The answer belongs to your doctor, not to a website, and asking for it out loud is how you get it.

Everything below is an extra. If the appointment runs short, ask these three and let the rest go.

Early on

• How often will I be seen, and who will I see each time?
• What is the number I call between visits, and who answers it after hours?
• Which hospital will I be delivering at, and when do I need to register?
• What is being checked, and when will results come back to me?
• Is there anything you want me to change or stop?
• What can I claim for these visits, and what paperwork do I need to keep?

In the middle

• What does the schedule look like from here to the birth?
• Can my partner come in, and are they allowed to stay for scans?
• What do you want to hear about between visits, rather than at the next one?
• When do I need to have told my employer, and do you sign anything for that?
• Is there anything I should be organising now that people leave too late?

Near the end

• When do we talk about the plan for the birth, and what do you need from me?
• If labour starts outside clinic hours, which number do I call and where do I go?
• What should make me come in rather than wait?
• What do I bring on the day, and what will the hospital already have?
• Who will actually be there if you are not on duty?

Questions the other parent should ask

Bring your own, not hers. Two people asking two different questions get twice the appointment.

• What is the one thing I could do that would actually help?
• Which number do I call, and when should I call rather than wait?
• What do you need from me on the day?
• What do partners usually get wrong at this point?
• Is there anything you would tell me that she is too polite to ask about?

What to write down while you are still in the room

Four fields. Do it before you stand up, because the corridor eats memory.

1. What they found today, in their words.
2. What they want you to do differently before the next visit.
3. The date and time of the next appointment.
4. The number to call between visits, and what should make you call it.

Questions people ask about this

How many questions is too many to bring to an appointment?
Five is a good number to walk in with, because it fits the time you get and you will remember to ask all of them. Write the rest down for next time rather than dropping them. A list that carries forward is worth more than a long list read out once.

Should I ask a question I think is silly?
Ask it. The people at the clinic have heard it before, and the alternative is you searching for it at 2am and finding ten answers written for another country. It is never a waste of their time.

What should I write down while I am still in the room?
Four things. What they found today, in their words rather than yours. What they want you to do differently before the next visit. The date and time of the next appointment. The number to call between visits, and what should make you call it.

Do this now

Put three of these in your notes app, under the date of your next appointment. Not five, not the whole page. Three, filed where you will actually see them.

Next: what to bring to your first appointment, and what the other parent can actually do. If tightenings have already started and you are not sure what they are, here is how Braxton Hicks usually differ from labour.